Understanding and Responding to Baby’s Cries

"I’m so sorry, my baby, I don’t understand what’s wrong with you." You’ve probably said this phrase before, feeling slightly or totally helpless in the face of your child’s cries. And that’s completely normal. In the first few months, an infant cries loudly and often, mainly because it’s their only means of expression. To help, learn how to decode their cries to understand them better.

CONTENTS:

• One sorrow, many meanings
• Every tear has its message: deciphering a baby's cries to respond better
• And what about discharge cries, how can you recognize them?
• Baby sobbing in their sleep: why and how to soothe them?
• Let them cry… or not? Above all, find your own balance
• How to comfort your baby? From cuddles to comforting little tips
• My baby cries a lot, when should I consult a doctor?

One sorrow, many meanings

It’s a fact: babies cry a lot, especially during their first three months of life, with a notable peak between weeks 6 and 8 (this is called the crying curve). However, while baby’s cries reveal their age and personality, scientists still have difficulty reliably analyzing the exact cause of these tears.

It’s true, babies cry because they’re hungry, because they’re in pain, after being scared, due to colic in infancy, because their diaper is dirty, or at the end of the day, with what’s known as discharge cries.

These particularly intense crying periods can be hard to handle and may cause you to doubt your parenting abilities. But it’s not your fault. This crying is normal, and you’ll learn to decode it with time. In fact, a 2023 study published in Communications Psychology shows that parents get it right 75% of the time.

Every tear has its message: deciphering a baby's cries to respond better

Until your baby learns to speak, crying is their only way to express a need (sleep, a cuddle…), discomfort (a dirty diaper, an uncomfortable position…), or an urgent need (hunger, pain…). For each of these, they use a distinct sound each time.

It’s because babies instinctively position their tongues that they’re able to produce different sounds. These subtle sounds, if you listen carefully, can be very helpful.

• A hungry baby presses their tongue to their palate as a natural sucking reflex. This movement leads them to make the sound "neh."
• When a burp is trapped, it’s the burping reflex at work. The crying is accompanied by an "eh" sound, signaling that a bit of air is trapped in the upper part of the esophagus.
• "Aoh" is the sound to watch for, as it comes from baby yawning when they’re feeling tired. While a tired baby usually falls asleep easily, an overtired baby who screams at the top of their lungs often has much more trouble settling down.
• Infant colic is a particularly painful challenge. If this pain is behind the baby’s tears, you might recognize the sound "eèrh." This is a good time for a gentle tummy massage (clockwise) or to try a different bottle.

• We all need attention, and so does your baby. They’ll let you know through a series of grumbles or modulated cries like "lelol" or "alol." To get a feel for this sound, sigh out loud while vocalizing, open your mouth almost as if yawning, then close it again.
• If your baby is at their limit, feeling overstimulated, or there were too many events or changes that day, you’ll likely hear the classic "ouin" we usually associate with any major childhood meltdown. If the overload is emotional, the "eir" sound will take over!

And what about discharge cries, how can you recognize them?

Evening cries, or "discharge cries," generally happen between 6 pm and midnight and can last from a few tens of minutes to several hours. Very intense and hard to soothe—baby will have a red face, clenched fists, wrinkled forehead—they can be tough for parents who are also worn out after a long day.

This is the time when your child releases tension, excess emotion, confusion, and all the little frustrations that built up over the day. Did you know? While in your womb, evening was their most active time!

How to soothe evening crying spells?

The key to limiting or even avoiding evening crying is to keep the end of the day gentle and calm. A peaceful start to the evening, in a dimly-lit atmosphere, is probably the best way to avoid overstimulating your baby, reducing their need to "let off steam." A nap can also be helpful for handling this delicate time.

Swaddling, laying baby on your forearm, a warm bath, babywearing in a wrap, a lullaby—these are all techniques that can keep your baby calm and maybe even help you avoid this daily crisis.

• Evening routines from Elhée moms 😴

And if baby doesn’t calm down, hand over to someone else! To dad, your parents, a friend… The main idea is to keep yourself calm, because your baby needs that too. And don’t worry, discharge crying usually spaces out after 3 months.

Baby sobbing in their sleep: why and how to soothe them?

If your little one cries at night, there are two possibilities: either something is bothering them (they’re cold, uncomfortable, wet, need comfort…) or they’re between sleep cycles.

If it’s the first case, baby is awake and needs your help to solve the problem—change their diaper or put a sleeper over their onesie (for their safety, don’t add a blanket in the crib).

If it’s the second, don’t wake them, they’ll usually calm themselves quickly. If the crying continues and gets more intense, a lullaby can help them drift back to sleep.

• Should you wake your baby for a feeding? 🥱

Let them cry… or not? Above all, find your own balance 

In recent decades, there’s been a real shift in perspective about letting babies "cry it out." In the past, it was recommended so children wouldn’t get used to parents rushing to them at every cry—today, that advice has changed.

Letting babies cry risks putting them into significant emotional uncertainty, causing unnecessary stress, negatively impacting neurological development, and harming their growth—since, when they cry for help and nobody comes, they’re left alone with that distress.

• Becoming parents: what changes when a child is born 👶

Day or night, try to respond as much as possible when your baby cries, reassuring and calming them, especially since letting them cry brings no learning benefits. Comforting your baby also strengthens the parent-child bonds you’re building.

How to comfort your baby? From cuddles to comforting little tips

A crying baby is hard to endure and it breaks your heart! To avoid frayed nerves, having to pass baby back and forth (especially if you don’t have anyone to help), and that feeling of guilt, check out our gentle tips to help soothe them. And since with babies, everything begins (or ends) with a cuddle, never hesitate to offer one—again, and again.

• Start with the rule of “3 F’s” and make sure before you try anything else that baby isn’t experiencing hunger, fatigue, or fever.
• Cuddle your baby to comfort them—there’s nothing more effective than holding, wearing (in a baby carrier, in a wrap, or simply in your arms), or skin-to-skin contact to calm them. If needed, try skin-to-skin or the classic tummy-down position on your forearm.
• Prepare a lukewarm bath, at 98.6°F, where you can gently place baby for relief. The results aren’t guaranteed, but water and warmth may be enough to help stop the tears.
• How about a stroller outing? Many families have a baby who only slept during a stroller or car ride. For persistent crying, this trick might be worth a try.
• The magic of a milk bottle—warm, lukewarm, or cold depending on preference, in mom’s or dad’s arms at just the right moment—really works. As it fills, it also soothes, warms, reassures, and comforts a baby who may be hungry, feeling isolated, a bit lost, overwhelmed or surprised by the big world. And at Elhée, the cuddle bottle is unbreakable and easy to take everywhere! Try it with breastfeeding, too, if that’s your routine, or with their favorite pacifier.
• The power of your voice and vibration helps babies, children—and even adults—when stressed. And when baby is crying hard, they are very stressed! So talk softly and calmly, sing, or use a steady, comforting sound (like a mantra—humm, ommm) after laying them on your chest. Vibration heals everything, even the biggest heartaches.
• “Let’s be zen, cool veins,” as the song says. Sometimes with a baby, all that matters is keeping your own calm. If you feel like you might break down, hand baby to someone else—or, if you’re alone, call someone to come help (friend, neighbor, doctor…). Meanwhile, lay baby safely in their crib or bassinet. Babies pick up on tension—so the more stressed you are, the more stressed baby gets.
• Don’t try to force the crying to stop at all costs. Of course, attend to your baby, cuddle them, check that all is well, and give plenty of love, but if nothing works, maybe they just need to cry for a few moments.

My baby cries a lot, when should I consult a doctor?

As parents, your observation skills are key in assessing whether your child cries more or less than others. If you find your baby really difficult to console, don’t hesitate to contact your healthcare professional—a doctor, pediatrician, midwife, OB/GYN, or visit your local Child Health Center. Be especially alert if:

• the cries are very frequent, very intense, and/or have a very high pitch;
• the crying continues at this frequency after 4 months;
• if your baby spits up, has trouble eating, vomits, or has diarrhea;
• if they are "falling off" their growth curve.

In any case and for all of baby’s crying, a gentle cuddle—even if it’s not a miracle solution—is always a great place to start. After all, what’s warmer, more beautiful, or more comforting than a mother’s arms?

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