" Dad, how are babies made?" While this little question has become famous thanks to the milkman, it's nonetheless a complicated one to answer. And the complexity extends to the whole conception process, including for parents. The cornerstone of birth, once a baby is on the way, sexual activity becomes complicated, from perception to practice. Bodily changes for the mom, dad's fear of harming the baby, and the couple's joint fear of triggering labor—all these beliefs, doubts, and questions are what we will try to decode in this article.
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
- Why does sex during pregnancy raise so many questions?
- Sexuality and Pregnancy: Debunking Misconceptions
- Are there any contraindications to sex during pregnancy?
- Sex During Pregnancy: Baby-Related Concerns
- Sex During Pregnancy: Questions Concerning the Couple
- What to do in case of doubts or problems?
Why does sex during pregnancy raise so many questions?
There are dozens, maybe hundreds of reasons why sexuality becomes more complicated during and after pregnancy.
From an ethnological perspective, beliefs and cultures have a huge impact on the perception of sexual relations within expectant couples. In certain cultures, sex is believed to be beneficial for the fetus’s development. In others, continuing sexual activity during pregnancy may be seen as dangerous for the mother or her child.
Religions also exert their influences, as does the society we live in.
Additionally, sexuality and pregnancy awaken all the ambivalence that exists between libido and motherhood, sex for pleasure or for procreation, perceptions of women and their roles, as well as other intimacy-related taboos.
Sexuality and Pregnancy: Debunking Misconceptions
As future parents, especially for your first baby, it is normal to have questions. However, regarding sexuality, unless your doctor advises otherwise, you can continue your activities.
- The risk of miscarriage as a result of sexual activity is virtually nonexistent. Unless your doctor advises otherwise and if your pregnancy is progressing normally, you can continue to have sexual activity without risk.
- Having sexual intercourse does not risk triggering premature labor as long as your pregnancy is normal and intercourse is gentle, especially during the third trimester.
- The penis cannot touch or harm the baby during intercourse, regardless of its size. Throughout pregnancy, the fetus is protected by the amniotic fluid, placenta, and cervix.
- Orgasm is not dangerous for your baby, even if it causes uterine contractions. In fact, some even compare this to a jacuzzi for the baby.
Are there any contraindications to sex during pregnancy?
Despite this, for your health and your baby’s, there are cases where you may need to temporarily refrain from being sexually active. This is the case if you have a placenta previa (placenta located too low in the uterus) which increases the risk of bleeding.
If the amniotic sac is weakened, leaking, or ruptured, the risk of infection is too high. Likewise, in cases of genital infection, yeast infection, or STI (sexually transmitted infection), sexual intercourse is contraindicated.
An open cervix, bleeding (regardless of frequency or amount), or previous miscarriages should also prompt you to refrain, as well as a risk of premature labor.
Often, when sexual intercourse is discouraged or forbidden during pregnancy, only vaginal penetration is concerned. Fortunately, there are plenty of other ways to make love, to give and receive pleasure with your partner. Pregnancy, if you desire it and feel like it, can be an opportunity to explore new types of sensuality. Oral sex, caresses, mutual masturbation... if that's what you want and only if that's the case, now is the time to try it all.
Sex During Pregnancy: Baby-Related Concerns
Does the fetus feel orgasms?
The answer is yes! But not directly. As your baby is completely connected to you throughout pregnancy, and because an orgasm results in a number of physical and physiological reactions, your baby does sense it. An increased heart rate and breathing, pelvic floor contractions, and brain release of dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin; all of this is perceptible in utero. But rest assured: your baby isn't perceiving this as sexual, but rather, perhaps, as a sensory firework and a feeling of well-being.
Can orgasm be dangerous for the baby?
Having an orgasm can, in very rare cases, trigger unwanted uterine contractions. This situation is generally anticipated by your doctor, who may prescribe rest and some level of abstinence for part or all of your pregnancy.
In most cases, the female orgasm would actually tend to increase the baby's supply of oxygen and nutrients, and the baby may even experience this moment of maternal fulfillment as a sort of little massage.
Can the baby’s sex be influenced by the parents’ sexual preferences?
No, your sexual preferences do not determine the sex of your unborn child. The baby’s sex is determined at the moment the egg is fertilized by a sperm, thanks to the 23rd chromosome, X or Y.
However, according to scientific studies from the 1960s by Dr. Landrum Brewer Shettles, the timing of sexual intercourse may matter. He suggested that Y sperm (which result in boys) are faster but less resilient. Intercourse as close as possible to ovulation would therefore be more likely to produce a boy. Sex positions that encourage deep penetration might also give an advantage to Y sperm by making it easier to reach the egg.
Can you have intercourse until the due date?
Medically, there is no cutoff date for sex during pregnancy. However, fluctuating hormones, fatigue, and the ever-larger belly may prompt you to adapt your sex life, particularly in the third trimester.
Can having sex trigger labor?
According to most observations, labor is not triggered by the frequency or intensity of intercourse within couples. In 2007, three researchers from the University of Malaysia demonstrated, using a sample of 200 pregnant women in their third trimester, that the rate of spontaneous labor onset remained the same whether or not they were sexually active with their partner.
Does having sex increase the risk of miscarriage?
Again, the answer is no. Sexual intercourse does not increase the risk of miscarriage since the baby is well protected in the uterus by the amniotic fluid, placenta, and the mucus plug in particular.
Sex During Pregnancy: Questions Concerning the Couple
Is orgasm easier to achieve during pregnancy?
Without being systematically stronger or more frequent, yes, orgasm is often easier to reach and more intense during pregnancy, simply for the biological reason that the entire genital and pelvic area is engorged with blood. The vulva and vagina are therefore much more sensitive to stimulation than usual.
Is it normal to have many new fantasies during pregnancy?
If you’re wondering whether it’s normal to have new fantasies, or even any fantasies at all, the answer is yes, no matter the time.
If you’re wondering whether pregnancy brings more or different fantasies, the answer is: it depends. Because your libido fluctuates greatly over the nine months of waiting for your child and your body and your relationship with it change too, you may go through different periods—sometimes highly aroused with plenty of fantasies, or not interested in sex at all.
Which sexual positions are best depending on the pregnancy trimester?
In the first trimester, it’s mainly fatigue and nausea that may require you to adjust how often or how long you have sex. In terms of positions, everything is still allowed, bearing in mind your breasts may be more sensitive—or even painful—than usual.
The second trimester is undoubtedly the one where sexuality is most uninhibited. Physiologically, the body is primed: the vagina, clitoris, and breasts are highly responsive to even the slightest touch, and female orgasms are often more intense than before. However, your belly is starting to round out, so you’ll need to adapt. The spooning and doggy style positions are especially recommended since your partner is behind you. Woman-on-top is also suggested if you’re comfortable with the idea.
In the third trimester, if you’re still interested, nothing prevents you from continuing to have sex. Above all, prioritize your comfort, avoid back pain and excessive stretching of the abdominals. The lotus, right angle, or anvil positions are worth a try, so you can keep enjoying intimacy a bit longer.
Why do I sometimes cry after orgasm when pregnant?
It's difficult to pinpoint a single reason for crying after orgasm or after sex. While female sexuality is closely tied to emotions and hormones, the brain is also involved (we're even talking about neuroscience here). These intersecting paths can result in surprising reactions: spontaneous tears may flow during pregnancy, or even outside of it.
Do the physical changes during pregnancy affect desire?
Yes, and that's normal. From the announcement of pregnancy to your child's birth, many steps will follow, all different and all new in their own ways.
The first trimester is marked by nausea and fatigue, so sex often becomes secondary. The second trimester is much more fulfilling, with libido skyrocketing. In the third trimester, fatigue returns with stress, back and leg pain in particular, and a belly that is increasingly in the way.
These multiple changes impact how you see yourself, your feelings, and your sexual desire, in one direction or another. Taking time for yourself and listening to your body will help you navigate moments of doubt.
The future father's desire can also change—sometimes multiplied by the pregnancy and the beauty of your new curves, or conversely, it may disappear, mainly for fear of hurting the baby.
In every situation, showing understanding, patience, and kindness to each other will help you look forward to resuming intimacy more serenely when the time is right.
How can you live with, explain, and accept the absence of desire during pregnancy?
For some couples, desire fades quickly after the arrival of a child is announced and remains absent. If both partners are on the same page, a new form of intimacy develops over the months, awaiting the return of physical intimacy postpartum. If not, misunderstanding and tension can arise, complicating the relationship between a waiting father and a future mother feeling some guilt. Again, communication, listening, and patience are key to a harmonious relationship, even when pregnancy brings its share of turbulence.
Can you use sex toys during pregnancy?
Sex toys are absolutely not off-limits for pregnant women, quite the opposite. Anything that brings pleasure and relaxation—just like the pregnant women's kama sutra—is welcome during pregnancy. As a precaution, however, it is recommended to avoid vibrating toys (so you’ll want to put away your little rubber duck), as the ultrasounds could potentially affect the fetus. If needed, the use of lubricant is also possible. Simply maintain good hygiene each time you use them.
Are yeast infections more common in pregnant women?
Yes, and that's normal. Due to the numerous hormonal upheavals experienced by women during pregnancy (high levels of human chorionic gonadotropin [HCG], progesterone, and estrogen in particular), it's common for vaginal flora to be disrupted, creating a favorable environment for yeast infections.
If you notice itching, pain, unusual or increased vaginal discharge and/or odor, don’t worry or feel embarrassed. However, consult your doctor promptly.
What to do in case of doubts or problems?
If you have any doubts about a practice, gesture, or habit, if you have questions related to sexuality during pregnancy, if you're unsure, feeling bad, feeling guilty, or if you experience pain during or after sex, speak to your midwife or OB/GYN. While they may not fully understand all your emotions (you might have trouble understanding them yourself), they will reassure you about your own health and that of your baby.
