Postpartum sexuality: 4 myths to debunk for a fulfilling life

Postpartum Sexuality: Myths, Truths, and Keys to Fulfillment - Élhée

A few weeks before welcoming your child, questions start piling up, sometimes even bringing a bit of anxiety. Mainly related to your baby and the best way to take care of them, these concerns also touch on the future of your relationship and intimacy. Between childbirth, fatigue, pain, a changed body, new responsibilities, and the need to reorganize your life, postpartum sexuality will likely not be quite the same. Beyond the myths, let’s explore this unique period together.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Six weeks are enough to resume a “normal” sex life
Sex will be just as good as before pregnancy
I’ll always want to have sex as much as before
Breastfeeding won’t change my sex life
Sex after childbirth: like a second first time
All mothers are part of nature... and so are all women!
And what about men’s feelings?

Six weeks are enough to resume a “normal” sex life

As with many things, “it depends.” Maternity professionals—OB-GYNs, midwives, and so on—recommend a period of 6 weeks without sexual intercourse after childbirth.

This is to allow the tissues in the vagina, perineum, and possibly the abdomen (if you had a C-section) to recover. Still fragile, sometimes with scar tissue, they also become more susceptible to infections, especially due to the wound where the uterus and placenta were connected. However, once this time has passed and there are no medical contraindications, women are once again cleared to have sex.

But do they want to? Do you want to? That is really the question—and ultimately, that’s all that matters. If, soon after giving birth, you feel desire for your partner, go for it! Intimacy, love, endorphins—all of those will do you good. The first times, be sure to take your time and be gentle, and everything should go smoothly.

On the other hand, if all you want to do is sleep, drink, and eat, then sleep, drink, and eat without any guilt. You just gave life. If you explain, your partner should understand that your body and mind are tired and that they need the golden month (or more) to rest and to recharge before you can share your energy again.

The numbers are actually reassuring: in a study of 1,000 new mothers, 17% resumed their sex life less than a month after giving birth, 44% waited between 1 and 3 months, and 39% waited more than 3 months. So, there is no rush.

Another study conducted by the University of Lorraine in 2022 indicates that the return of women’s sexual desire postpartum occurs on average 6 weeks and 5 days after childbirth.

Key takeaway: The 6-week post-childbirth period is just a medical minimum. Your body and your desires will determine the right time to resume intimacy. There’s no rush: 44% of women wait 1 to 3 months, and 39% wait even longer.

Sex will be just as good as before pregnancy

Yes and no—it will mostly be different. As of 2023, French women on average have their first child at age 31. That’s an age where sexual fulfillment is at its peak or almost there, a time when your relationship is stable and you know each other both in and out of the bedroom. So, physical affection is generally enjoyable and satisfying.

After having a baby, it’s possible that penetration may feel painful, you might experience infections or UTIs, vaginal dryness, or you may find it hard to relax enough to enjoy yourself. Pleasure is, of course, possible, but it may temporarily be more difficult to reach.

This can be especially true if you enjoyed sex during pregnancy and took advantage of our pocket Kamasutra for pregnant women.

Spotlight on pelvic floor rehabilitation

You’ve probably heard it before: the pelvic floor is the foundation of everything. Not only does it support your baby for 9 months as your baby grows, but it also protects you from urinary leaks and helps boost your sexual pleasure with new sensations.

Of course, you are not required to do this, but after childbirth, know that social security in France covers 10 pelvic floor therapy sessions in full with a physical therapist or midwife. Take advantage to put the odds in your favor—both for your comfort and for your sex life. (And honestly, it’s not as unpleasant as you might think!)

Key takeaway: Your intimacy will naturally evolve after giving birth. Sensations will be different, and that’s normal. Pelvic floor therapy and open communication with your partner will help you gradually recover a fulfilling sex life.

I’ll always want to have sex as much as before

There’s nothing sexier than a man taking care of his child—especially if the man is the one you love and he’s holding your tiny baby in his arms. But during the postpartum period, he’s likely to have some competition.

Taking a peaceful shower (not even a long one, just in peace), eating that dish you’ve been craving for ages (cheesy tacos, fondue on a summer day, sushi, spring rolls, mille-feuille…), or sleeping more than three hours in a row are just a few examples.

Add in the need to schedule intimacy between feedings, and don’t be surprised if your sex drive quietly slips out the back door for a while.

Key takeaway: A temporary drop in sexual desire is perfectly normal after childbirth. Between fatigue, discomfort, and new priorities, give yourself time to rediscover your sensations. Your wellbeing is what matters most.

Breastfeeding won’t change my sex life

It’s true that before becoming a mother and breastfeeding, you may have wondered how nursing your baby could possibly interfere with your sex life. Why would it?

Simply put, the hormones produced during breastfeeding—oxytocin and prolactin—do not boost sexual desire; on the contrary, they lower your libido. Add the overwhelming fatigue of the first months, co-rooming with your baby in your bedroom and coordinating feedings that break the spontaneity, and it becomes clear that breastfeeding can impact your post-childbirth sexuality.

Not to mention the possible discomfort you may feel taking on “multiple roles” and going from nurturing mom to romantic partner, all in the same day.

Key takeaway: Breastfeeding naturally influences libido through the hormones it produces. Between oxytocin, prolactin, fatigue, and feeding schedules, your sexual desire may fluctuate. Some women find it tricky to juggle being a breastfeeding mom and a partner—and that’s completely understandable. Give yourself time to find your balance.

Sex after childbirth: like a second first time

A vaginal birth rarely leaves anyone indifferent: the passage of a baby weighing 4.4 to 6.6 lb (2 to 3 kg) can have physical consequences that must be acknowledged. Often, postpartum, new moms express their concerns about using a tampon during their period—or even, at first, just urinating. And that’s normal. The area, once erogenous, is now sore, possibly stitched, and also looser... a situation that can be tough to come to terms with.

If this is your experience, re-acquaint yourself with your body before sharing it again. This might happen through your gaze in a mirror or through touch: first to feel, then, if you want, to caress. Solo pleasure may actually be the best way to reignite desire and pleasure after the trauma of birth.

If it still feels too early, explore a different kind of sexuality without penetration, focusing on erogenous zones you may not even have discovered yet. For things to go smoothly, communicate, share, explain to your partner what feels good and what, on the other hand, hurts or is uncomfortable, what you like and what you would rather avoid for now.

For both of you, it’s a matter of relearning intimacy in a new way, at least for a while, with lots of gentleness and perhaps some new ground rules. So, even if you’re both just figuring things out as you go, don’t hesitate to gently guide the person who shares your life.

All mothers are part of nature... and so are all women!

Exaggerated, intimate, or fluctuating—libido is different for everyone before and after childbirth. So if all mothers are part of nature, then all women belong there too. When the two meet, a whole new personal dynamic is created.

So, you might find yourself more fulfilled with your partner after giving birth, and for reasons that are physical but also emotional or related to self-perception.

And if not, don’t worry. Sexuality changes throughout your life, with ups and downs, magical moments and periods of calm. There’s no doubt that—with love, patience, communication, and lots of listening—you’ll soon rediscover your connection.

And what about men’s feelings?

As loyal teammates, dads also experience postpartum alongside you. A 2023 study by the Midwifery School in Clermont-Ferrand gives us insight into how men feel after their baby’s arrival.

Unsurprisingly, they too go through an adjustment phase: physical affection and attention become less frequent, priorities shift (hello, interrupted nights, doctor appointments, bottle- or breastfeeding every two hours...), and desire sometimes takes a vacation—for both partners.

Above all, what stood out from these interviews was the importance of maintaining open exchanges within the couple. “We talk less than before the baby.” “It’s harder.” “We have a tough time understanding each other.” It’s not always easy to find the right words when time and energy are in short supply.

Still, it’s through communication—each at their own pace and in their own words—that connection is maintained or rebuilt after birth. Yes, rediscovering intimacy is an adventure for two, where patience and communication really make all the difference!

Regaining intimacy after childbirth: What if things are still hard after 3 or 6 months?

If, over the weeks, sex remains difficult or painful, give yourself all the gentleness and understanding you deserve. Your body has accomplished something extraordinary and is still healing. Some women recover a fulfilling sex life quickly after giving birth, while others need several months—both are perfectly normal.

Never forget that you alone are in control of your body and desires. No pressure, no “shoulds,” no obligations belong in this deeply personal phase of your life. If you don’t feel ready, that’s a sign it’s just not time yet. And that’s OK.

Still, you are not alone on this journey. Caring professionals are here to support you: midwife, OB-GYN, or sex therapist—they’ll listen and help you find the right solutions for you. Listen to your body and take time to understand it. Also take time to explain to your partner any pain, discomfort, or emotions you experience.

See postpartum as an invitation to rediscover intimacy—maybe differently, but always gently and with the utmost respect for your body’s feelings. For now, what matters most is your wellbeing and your fulfillment.

Postpartum Sexuality: Myths, Truths, and Keys to Fulfillment