Postpartum, this immense word that describes an “after,” incredibly enveloping, almost heavy and all too often frightening, encompasses many stages and trials that mothers have no choice but to face. From expectations to tangible realities, from hypervigilance to exhaustion, and from turbulence to self-transcendence: the challenges of postpartum, a brief definition.
CONTENTS
- The reality of postpartum: a period of great upheaval
- Physiological postpartum
- Surrounding yourself and resting after childbirth: experiencing the Golden Month
- Preparing for the challenges of postpartum, a new reality to understand
The reality of postpartum: a period of great upheaval
The postpartum period—or the period after childbirth—has a reality all its own. While your body needs rest more than ever and, as a woman and new mother, you are searching for your new compass, life now demands your full attention for your newborn. Where you expected pure happiness, there is, in reality, a certain adversity.
Sometimes a sharp contrast between dreams of motherhood and realities
The first reality of postpartum actually takes place before postpartum. That’s childbirth. Whether a rushed delivery or an unexpected C-section, women who experience a traumatic birth are between 15% and 20% every year, and some will retain psychological and/or physical effects that may complicate, in particular, the postpartum period.
Maternal hypervigilance is another potential consequence associated with entering the postpartum period. It can show up in many ways, including constant fear for the baby’s health, frequent insomnia, and mood, concentration, or appetite problems, which can lead to exhaustion.
The baby clash is another postpartum challenge that doesn’t only involve mothers, but more broadly, couples. The birth of a child, the fatigue, and the stress that come with this incredible upheaval can lead to tension in relationships, arguments, and sometimes even breakups. To avoid or overcome the baby clash, it is essential to be caring and to keep some time for yourself.
More profound, postpartum depression is another danger of the period after birth. It usually manifests as deep sadness, significant fatigue, sudden crying, and feeling unable to properly care for your child. In the most serious cases, disinterest in family life and dark thoughts may appear, but postpartum depression can also be silent.
As with most postpartum challenges, maternal regret remains a taboo subject but is one of the trials young mothers sometimes face a few months after their child is born. Maternal regret is both an intimate and complex feeling, hard to express. Mothers who experience it say they love their child but regret becoming mothers, in the sense that the role feels too heavy, too overwhelming, and too permanent.
Maternal exhaustion, or maternal burnout, can occur at any time, but especially affects mothers of young children. Deeper than the baby blues, it is an added risk for mothers feeling overwhelmed by the physical and mental load of parenting.
Physiological postpartum
Because we are not born mothers, but learn to become them, matrescence should be a concept everyone knows. Identified in the 1970s and only popularized recently, matrescence is a notion covering all the physical and psychological changes women go through when giving life. Among the challenges of postpartum, there is, in fact, that of learning to recognize yourself, especially through a new body.
Since menstruation is never a pleasure for any of us, postpartum bleeding (also called lochia) should be anticipated as calmly as possible. When you leave the hospital you receive pads specially designed for the first days, which can be replaced with sanitary pads or menstrual underwear after a while. Still, expect discomfort to last about a month.
The return of periods is another time of heavy bleeding after childbirth. At least 45 days after giving birth, but possibly several months later if you are breastfeeding your baby, your first postpartum period will start. This is a sign that you can become pregnant again and that it’s time to think about the (recurring) issue of contraception.
After childbirth, young mothers must also adjust to a new body. More tired and less toned—at least for a while—this body is now completely focused on the belly. A postpartum belly whose skin is generally loose or sagging, and often marked with stretch marks. But, above all, a belly that’s empty since your baby’s birth. Massages with plant oils, abdominal rehabilitation (to practice after pelvic floor therapy), and especially being kind to yourself will help you get comfortable with it.
Resuming sexual activity is another big postpartum milestone that women (and men) are often poorly prepared for. Discomfort, awkwardness, vaginal dryness, even pain or apprehension: the steamy nights are far away. You may even go several weeks without having sex, and that’s okay. But it’s important to know this, especially so you can talk about it with your partner beforehand.
Maternal exhaustion, hypervigilance, baby clash… The challenges of postpartum are numerous, sometimes hard to identify, and even more complex to soothe or heal. To best prevent these issues, the most ancient civilizations devoted 40 days after a child’s birth to caring for the mother. Today, this period of extreme care and maternal recovery is still beautifully called the “Golden Month.”
Surrounding yourself and resting after childbirth: experiencing the Golden Month
The Golden Month, this 40-day postnatal period, is said to have originated more than 2,000 years ago in China. However, you can also find traces of it in stories from North Africa, India, and, increasingly, the West.
The idea behind this ancient practice? Offer mothers a time to recover, both physically and emotionally, and help them adjust to their new condition. Value the mother-to-be by actively listening, showing kindness, patience, and providing appropriate care.
Rest is the key to everything! Take as much time as you need each day to relax and unwind. Savor special moments with your newborn, enjoy the benefits of skin-to-skin, gaze into their eyes, breathe their scent… Create your own time bubble and let everything else go. In addition to cuddles, add lots of gentle massage and warmth—especially from a nourishing diet of hot meals and golden spices that help regenerate your body and mind from within.
Preparing for the challenges of postpartum, a new reality to understand
The more society lifts the taboos around postpartum and the more it recognizes the complexity of this period and the vulnerabilities it causes, the better mothers can experience and move through it. There is no doubt that dialogue, education, learning, and listening before, during, and after pregnancy promote an easier transition from womanhood to motherhood.
It is also essential that mothers never again hesitate to share their experience of motherhood as they live it, as they feel it, as part of their own story and their own experiences. Talk with your partner, your family, your friends, maternity professionals, your doula, or community health workers... Never doubt that there is a solution to help meet your needs and help you face each postpartum challenge one at a time.
