Parenting is a broad and fairly recent concept, encompassing emotional, legal, sociological, psychological, and socio-educational aspects, which could be summed up as the art of becoming and being a parent, in its entirety. Indeed, while the suffix -ity indicates quality or function, the word parenting comes from the Latin word parentem (father, mother), and the Latin verb parere (to give birth). Parenting is therefore dual, closely linked to both father and mother, designed to create and enrich the parent-child bond.
SUMMARY:
- Parenting, a whole world to understand
- How is the parent-child attachment bond built?
- Parent-child attachment: are mothers and fathers truly that different?
- The father-child relationship: focused on the world and exploration
Parenting, a whole world to understand
Much more than a simple word, parenting is a constantly evolving universe, in which parents and children grow side by side. In its strictest sense, this concept defines the parent-child bond, regardless of the family structure, as well as the rights and obligations of each member.
Parenting also encompasses a whole world of emotions, feelings, and upheavals that make up family life. As such, parenting may be fulfilling, new, or even diverse, thereby allowing everyone to find their place in it.
On the occasion of Father's Day, Élhée has chosen to highlight the parent-child attachment bond, so unique and essential, and to focus especially on the relationship between fathers and their children.
How is the parent-child attachment bond built?
First of all, it is impossible to discuss attachment theory without mentioning John Bowlby. A British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, John dedicated his career to understanding the mother-child relationship. According to him, unique bonds are formed between the baby and their caregivers (from the English to care, to take care of, and givers, those who give).
In 1969, he published the first volume of his trilogy Loss and Attachment. In this first book, published by Presses Universitaires de France and titled Attachment, Bowlby lays out the foundations of his theory: the infant’s attachment to the person or people who care for them is instinctive. According to Bowlby, the need for attachment is innate and is built primarily through daily interactions.
With every situation involving stress, fatigue, hunger, pain, unfamiliar places or noises... the attachment system is activated; the child cries or shows fear. The attachment figure (most often the mother, but not necessarily) then responds to provide security.
4 types of parent-child attachment bonds
While availability, reliability, consistency, affection, and closeness are the pillars of secure attachment, Bowlby distinguished a total of 4 types of parent-child bonds (from most to least secure).
- Secure attachment: the child feels protected, understood, loved, and supported.
- Insecure-ambivalent or fearful attachment: if parents lack stability or consistency, the child detaches and internalizes their emotions.
- Insecure-avoidant or anxious attachment: emerging from an unbalanced relationship in which the child receives either too little or too much attachment signals.
- Disoriented or disorganized attachment: arises from unpredictable or inconsistent behavior by parents or caregivers. This creates distrust and fear in the child.
As adults, children who have experienced positive attachment are more confident and more readily able to form stable and high-quality relationships.
For parents, continually nurturing the attachment bond is also beneficial! It strengthens your confidence and the kindness you can show yourself.
Parent-child attachment: are mothers and fathers truly that different?
Still according to Bowlby, there is a hierarchy of emotional bonds the child forms with their caregivers. However, although the primary attachment figure is often the mother, nothing suggests the father cannot take on this role. However, studies aimed at analyzing and understanding the father-child bond are much less common.
Miljkovitch & Pierrehumbert, in their study "Is the father equal to the mother?," suggest that fathers display different qualities as attachment figures. Among other things, they play a key role in a child’s autonomy and openness to the outside world.
The father-child relationship: focused on the world and exploration
According to Carole Gagnon, a doctoral student at the School of Psychoeducation at the University of Montreal, the parent-child attachment relationship has two main aspects: closeness and exploration. While the mother represents closeness, the father represents exploration and autonomy through initiative, play, and discovery.
Danielle Paquette, in her publication "The father-child relationship and opening to the world," speaks of a father-child activation relationship, as a complement to the soothing mother-child attachment bond. Through his support for the mother and his encouragement of the child’s exploration, the father is the one who builds self-confidence and trust in one’s abilities, as well as calmness when facing the world.
Therefore, while the mother supports her child during difficulties, the father is more likely to see the child as capable of managing on their own. It is also this complementarity that makes the parent-child attachment bond—mother-child and father-child—so beautiful, each in their own way.
On the occasion of Father’s Day, Élhée wants to remind us of the importance of also honoring the man, the companion, the partner, the dad. More than ever, by celebrating parenting, it is time to give him, return to him, or even create for him a place of honor at the heart of the mother and parent-child relationship.
