There are times in life when a woman may feel caught between two worlds, not truly in sync with herself. Matrescence is one of these times. Caught between being a woman and a mother, lost somewhere in the turmoil of their new motherhood, women experiencing matrescence go through a double birth: that of their child, but also that of their own motherhood.
CONTENTS:
- What is matrescence and where does the concept come from?
- Matrescence: a concept intimately linked to the 4th trimester of pregnancy
- A mother's adolescence and the dissociation of the woman
- At the heart of matrescence, the place of mothers in society
- Paternity leave and the partner's role
- Kindness and acceptance
- In summary: a few keys to move forward
What is matrescence, and where does the concept come from?
Matrescence is the idea that motherhood itself has its own adolescent stage. Being a mother is not innate, but something one learns, with greater or lesser ease. Thus, matrescence refers, for a new mother, to the period following the birth of her first child. Rich in changes and upheaval on a physical, psychological, physiological, emotional, and identity level, this new stage in a woman’s life is also associated with what’s called the 4th trimester of pregnancy.
Behind this concept—hardly new, but still relatively discreet—lies the idea that motherhood is not always, or not immediately, a happy experience, and that it is worth acknowledging this to live through it (better).
Dana Louise Raphael
The concept of matrescence is credited to Dana Louise Raphael, an American anthropologist and passionate advocate for breastfeeding and mother support. The term is a contraction of “maternity” and “adolescence”, but it wasn't popularized until many years later in 2017 by reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks in her TED Talk.
In 1973, Dana Raphael published the 200-page book The Tender Gift: Breastfeeding with Prentice-Hall, the result of extensive research conducted on breastfeeding and how it was perceived by women, especially in the US. This publication introduced both the word and concept of “doula” (from the ancient Greek δούλη, doúlê, servant) for the first time, which the researcher also originated. Raphael used it to refer to and describe the woman assisting women during childbirth and post-partum.
Additionally, the scientist co-founded the Human Lactation Center, a research center focused on breastfeeding and infant nutrition. Throughout her life, she continued to be a voice for breastfeeding and its acceptance around the world.
Matrescence: a concept intimately linked to the 4th trimester of pregnancy
When a child is born, so is its mother. Thus, matrescence is directly tied to how each mother experiences her 4th trimester of pregnancy. In its own way, with its physical and hormonal upheavals, this period can be as unstable as adolescence.
To explain it, Alexandra Sacks contrasts the effects of oxytocin—naturally secreted by the female body to support the development of maternal behaviors—with the logic that every mother is also a woman, defined by her own desires and needs. In her words, matrescence would be the result of this exceptional emotional pull, with baby at the forefront on one side, and the self on the other.
However, the psychiatrist notes that nothing is more normal than ambivalent feelings at the birth of a child. According to her, if the concept of matrescence were more widely known, mothers would be more forgiving of themselves and less tormented by their emotions.
A mother's adolescence and the dissociation of the woman
To understand or approach the idea of matrescence, imagine that a woman giving birth to her first child is learning to become a mother even as she is one. It’s only natural that she may lack knowledge and confidence. For example, this lack of familiarity may give rise to the expectation of maternal perfection or the belief that caring for a baby should always be a pleasure.
At the same time, the new mother is often worried about soon returning to work, paying attention to her partner, her family’s needs, her own needs, or friends’ demands. Here lies the ambivalence described by Alexandra Sacks, between the desire to be a mother and the frustration of being one.
At the heart of matrescence, the place of mothers in society
But the upheaval is not only internal. Other people’s perspectives are also significant. Everywhere, mothers’ testimonies show us that motherhood is not always a spontaneous state. Where society extols an instinct not all women feel—at the same time or in the same way—it’s urgent to get this message across: matrescence exists and is a normal transitional phase between two states.
This concept is all the more important to promote because, from being the center of family attention during pregnancy, mothers are often pushed to the background after the baby arrives and can feel very alone with their emotions.
Postpartum depression: the importance of getting to know matrescence
While matrescence is a normal period of upheaval, it should never be confused with postpartum depression, which affects 15% to 20% of women in the year after giving birth.
Again according to Alexandra Sacks, greater awareness of matrescence, combined with more open exchanges among new mothers, would significantly reduce the distress caused by the complexity of feelings. This could even have an impact on the number of postpartum depression diagnoses each year.
Paternity leave and the partner's role
In France, journalist Clémentine Sarlat, a pioneer on the subject and the host of a podcast that makes no secret of its focus—La matrescence—draws attention to another point. According to her, the partner’s role—and by extension that of loved ones—is essential to support the new mother through her transition.
Beyond not judging, a present, available, and considerate partner would be an invaluable asset on the journey through matrescence. In this respect, the journalist advocates for a significant extension of paternity leave so that each couple can move forward together along the path of parenthood.
Nordic countries stand out with particularly generous policies: for example, Sweden offers 480 days of paid parental leave (to be shared between both parents, with each parent required to take at least three months) and Finland provides 160 days per parent, with up to 63 transferable parental leave days to the partner. By comparison, French paternity leave is modest—just 25 days!
Kindness and acceptance
Because well-being begins with understanding and grows with acceptance, putting words to your emotions is one of the first steps. This is even more important when they resonate as strongly as “matrescence.” Motherhood, fatherhood—all forms of parenthood can be complex to experience and to witness, so there needed to be a word to encompass them.
Letting go of idealized images helps put things in perspective and better handle your new daily life as a mother. Thus, the more supportive the people around her are, the more the new mother can trust herself and make her transition more easily to become a free and unique mother.
In conclusion: a few keys to move forward
- Speak up to avoid negative thoughts and questions. Talk to your partner first, but also with your family and friends. Reach out to other pregnant women around you, ask questions—to your doctor, gynecologist, obstetrician—and don’t hesitate to meet with a psychologist if you feel the need. Don’t keep your concerns to yourself.
- Learn about the 4th trimester of pregnancy and matrescence. Today, there are more and more books (Bien vivre le quatrième trimestre au naturel by Julia Simon, Ceci est notre post-partum by Illana Weizmann…) along with articles and podcasts (La matrescence, Bliss Stories…) on the subject.
- Surround yourself, whether through social media groups or in-person workshops. Facebook and Instagram have plenty of support circles ready to welcome you. Not a fan of the digital world? Turn to the local Maternal and Child Protection (PMI), ask at your hospital’s maternity unit, or check the list of parent-child welcoming centers (LAEP) open near you.
- Meet a doula. Specially trained to accompany pregnant women and new mothers, this perinatal professional will listen to you, hear your words and emotions, and guide you through the incredible transition that is matrescence.
