The birth of your child has always been described as wonderful, unique, and unforgettable. And that’s absolutely true. However, what no one really told you is that becoming parents questions almost everything in your life. From your sleeping habits to your relationship as a couple, everything changes. At the same time, there is everything to learn; from giving that first bottle to reaching an entirely new level of patience. Yes, indeed! The arrival of a child is a major upheaval. But is nine months really enough to become parents?
SUMMARY:
- A couple's decision and an act of love
- Nine months to become parents, is it really enough?
- Parent-baby relationship: dealing with fatigue and stress
- Becoming parents and developing extraordinary patience
- Having a child and honing your versatility
- Discovering parenthood and becoming organization pros
- Becoming parents and finding your place as a couple-turned-family
- 5 parental qualities you’ll soon be proud of
A couple's decision and an act of love
Getting pregnant, having a child, having a baby, becoming parents… While bringing a child into the world can be described in many ways, the decision itself is made by two people, face to face, without outside interference. If you longed for a child but didn’t find the right partner, maybe you turned to ART (assisted reproductive technology). In that case, the decision to become a parent was between you and yourself, in the intimacy of your own heart.
Nine months to become parents, is it really enough?
Building a family and going from two to three (or more) at home is a real upheaval—a storm, and not just in a teacup: it changes your whole life. So, yes, you get nine months to prepare for becoming parents, together. But is that enough? Will these few months that pass by like a few weeks allow you to find all the answers to your questions and obtain all the keys for the challenges ahead?
Becoming parents is something you learn and takes time. You can start your introduction to parenthood as early as the first weeks of pregnancy by reading books and articles like this one, listening to stories from other parents, or even asking your own parents for advice.
Yet, it’s still possible that once your baby arrives, you may feel lost. Even together, even carefully prepared, even with good support. There’s a saying that the Élhée team loves because they’ve experienced it themselves: “Parents are not born, they are made” (thank you, Françoise Dolto). So, trust yourselves and don’t be afraid to move forward hand in hand, to stumble, or even take a step back sometimes in order to leap ahead.
When in doubt, cultivate kindness
Nothing is more normal than doubting as a parent. If you haven't experienced this before, get ready to get acquainted with the feeling. “Are we doing this right?” “Should I take them to the doctor now?” “Am I doing too much? Or not enough?” “Is my baby happy? Is he eating/sleeping/drinking/digesting/growing... well?” In other words, it's time to welcome the questions as they come and trust your own parental instincts—even if they're new and untested.
To succeed, avoid all comparison and don't feel compelled to respond to outside pressure. Set aside what other parents do, think, or say, and the way they see things. You are your child’s parents and besides the opinions that matter to you, only yours are precious.
At the same time, don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help when you feel you need it. Your parents, in-laws, friends, and health professionals you meet during the first months of your baby’s life can all provide advice.
Finally, to deal with doubt, cultivate kindness towards yourself. Be mindful of your own needs and remember that as a mom or dad, you're just starting out. Becoming parents is a constant learning experience that requires self-reflection and building self-confidence. As a mother, matrescence is a real, transitional state you go through.
Parent-baby relationship: dealing with fatigue and stress
Once your baby is born, you will realize that you have never actually known true fatigue before. Immediately, the nights are short and wake-ups are frequent. Very quickly, your attention becomes constant and worries frequent. The ever-present fatigue may become physical, moral, and emotional exhaustion.
Becoming parents and developing extraordinary patience
As parents, you’ll soon learn that certain things are and will remain outside of your control. If your baby refuses to sleep, there isn’t much you can do. All you can do is wait—to get some rest yourself or even to get work done. Over time, parenthood will require you to develop ever more patience, especially when you have to repeat, repeat, and repeat again, or do and redo things... without losing your temper!
Having a child and honing your versatility
Becoming parents also means learning to multitask. Rocking the baby while tidying up, carrying the baby and working, feeding a bottle while making a phone call... often not by choice, but out of necessity. As the months go by, you'll also master the art of managing work, daycare, school lunches, and medical appointments, sometimes all in a single day; or the joy of caring for your child while keeping a bit of independent social life. #multitasking
This is where the unbreakable bottle is especially useful! If you drop it, it rolls. Let it fall, it bounces. And if you want, baby can stay occupied playing with its cap.
Discovering parenthood and becoming organization pros
The arrival of a baby comes with an extremely tightly managed schedule. If you can, use your pregnancy months to rest and enjoy life as you like. Once your baby is born, appointments will be almost as numerous as nighttime awakenings, not to mention visits from relatives. Plus, you’ll have to deal with feeding and nap times and look for the “kids friendly” label at restaurants or vacation spots.
Becoming parents and finding your place as a couple-turned-family
When you first moved in together, it might have taken a while to find your rhythm and balance as a couple. Having a child will put all of that into question—at least temporarily. Your schedules, obligations, and concerns are all different. And since you became parents, you are both different as well. More tired, more worried, and with much less intimacy. To smoothly transition from couple mode to family mode, some reserve one evening a week or a weekend a month just for themselves, while others prefer to take a few minutes each day, maybe during nap time. It’s up to you to find what works for your new family.
5 parental qualities you’ll soon be proud of
- Observation
From the day your child is born, you’ll develop an incredibly sharp sense of observation (and attention). No movement, no breath, and later, no action or step will go unnoticed by your vigilant eyes.
- Listening
Like Superwoman, from day one, you’ll be able to hear your baby breathe and recognize their cry, wherever you are. This is especially true at night, when your baby sleeps alone in their crib.
- Creativity
Creativity is a must with a baby! Whether you want to make them laugh, distract them from a tantrum, or because you forgot their lovey or diaper bag, you’ll need plenty of creative solutions. Comedian, storyteller, singer... it’s your time to shine!
- Flexibility
Personality, needs, communication, or special circumstances—parenthood will keep you on your toes, requiring you to adapt in order to avoid excess stress and keep moving forward.
- And motor skills!
On one hand, you’ll learn to gently slip a bodysuit over your baby’s head with one hand and close snaps with a single swipe. On the other, you’ll get good at screwing on a bottle ring with two fingers while supporting your baby in the bath with one hand. You’ll also spend much more time crouched on the playmat, discovering and playing. That’s part of developing mobility.
Parenthood gives everyone the opportunity to broaden their palette of roles. As a loving partner, a parent, an athlete, or a professional, each facet adds to the richness of your personality.
The challenge is to find a balance that allows you to juggle these multiple hats and responsibilities while remaining a fulfilled, happy parent—and a calm one, every day.
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