- At age 5, what is prematurity?
- The neonatal unit: an impressive encounter for everyone
- Creating bonds with this little baby growing a bit far away
- Talk, explain, read, show, to bring comfort
Having a little brother or sister is a huge change in a child’s life. “Careful,” “be gentle,” “let the baby rest a bit”—precautions are needed. But what do you do when, at home, this big change happens differently? Why isn’t the baby coming home? Why can’t the baby breathe on their own? When will the baby get better? Welcoming a baby born prematurely is never easy, but meeting the challenge, and explaining it to your other children born before, is sometimes a real feat. How do you talk about prematurity, a baby born too early, and hospital treatments? After several months of pregnancy, how can you help the little ones understand and accept the long time that neonatal care may take?
At age 5, what is prematurity?
In France, every year, 7% of babies are born prematurely, which means before 37 weeks’ gestation (amenorrhea weeks). Yet, finding the right words to talk to younger children about this sudden arrival can be complicated. Throughout your pregnancy, the baby was part of everyday life, and you announced the expected birth date with excitement. Then, you left for the maternity hospital, but the new baby didn’t come home. The baby must stay in the neonatal unit.
Even if the medical team who cared for your newborn explained their health and what the next weeks would be like, talking simply about care, development, complications, possible long-term effects, or prognosis with your other children can be difficult—both technically and emotionally.
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For example, you can say that the new baby arrived early. And because they didn’t get all the time they needed, simple things like breathing are hard for them. They need to get stronger at the hospital, rest well, and eat well. When the baby is strong enough—just like their brothers and sisters—you’ll be able to bring them home. |
The neonatal unit: an impressive encounter for everyone
You’re not used to it yourself. The neonatal unit, with its calm and hushed atmosphere, the sounds of machines, tiny babies in their incubators, medical staff wearing gloves and masks, and other parents all dressed up too, sometimes with worried faces… The first meeting between your children—when it’s possible—can be overwhelming and even scary if it isn’t prepared for.
Remember how anxious you felt about your child’s prematurity after giving birth. How the wires and sensors connected to machines helping with breathing or feeding were overwhelming.
Facing the first bath and first skin-to-skin cuddle, you didn’t know where to put your hands, how to hold your baby, or even how to get close. You were afraid of hurting your baby, handling them wrong, or unplugging something important. It’s the same—and even more—for your child.
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Start by making all the equipment seem less scary. The little tubes in the nose—the oxygen nasal tube—are like two tiny snorkels. They help the baby breathe well, like at the beach. The little flower-shaped stickers on their chest? Those are electrodes. They’re useful because they act like our ears, listening to the baby’s heart. |
Creating bonds with this little baby growing a bit far away
You live far from the specialized neonatal intensive care unit where your premature baby is kept, your baby’s stage of prematurity doesn’t allow visits, your children have a cold, and babies born too early need to be protected from germs… There are many reasons why visits from siblings to the premature newborn are complicated or not possible.
When physical contact and eye contact aren’t possible, use technology and creativity to share emotions and messages. Take photos of your child (with the camera on silent and without flash) or make videos when you’re able to hold your baby, during a diaper change, or at every new milestone your newborn achieves.
On the other side, ask your older child to draw, record a lullaby, or make small decorations to brighten up the incubator and the neonatal unit room.
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You could imagine together a prematurity journal. Not only will it be meaningful for your baby when they’re older, but it will also help your older child process everything, capturing the family’s emotions and putting them into pictures. Regulated temperature, breathing on their own, the first cuddle, the first bottle… Everything can be illustrated for your premature infant. Add to it a drawing of the house, the room waiting for the baby, and the whole family—including, why not, the goldfish on the dresser and the dog in the yard. Gradually, you’ll create a diary your child can use to tell the story of their little brother or sister’s first weeks to delighted grandparents who are also eagerly waiting. |
Talk, explain, read, show, to bring comfort
Dropped off at their babysitter’s, staying with friends or with grandma and grandpa so you can go to the hospital each day, older children might feel left out or a bit jealous of this new baby they don’t see who is getting all the attention.
For your part, even with advice from the hospital and the love you have for your children, you may appreciate the help of a guide or framework on how to start telling them the story of your premature baby.
Consider books! Their authors, aware of or personally touched by the subject of prematurity, use gentle language and simple illustrations to help parents and children reflect. For story time or a cuddle moment, we have put together a selection of books just for you about premature births, neonatal care, and the many questions children may have. Let us know if you have read them and if they have helped you.
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