Sleep is, for many new and expecting moms, THE topic that keeps coming back, sometimes to the point of being overwhelming. During the last month of pregnancy, you often hear: "Enjoy it while you can still sleep!" "Get all the sleep you can!" Once baby arrives, the perspective shifts slightly, but the question of sleep remains omnipresent: "So, is he or she sleeping through the night yet?" Sometimes accompanied by a "Oh, not yet?"—sometimes guilt-inducing, sometimes just exasperating.
What if we admit that we can't control a baby's sleep? That their cycles are uniquely their own and can change at any time? That there’s no magic method, but above all, a vast need for listening, observation, and kindness?
ARTICLE SUMMARY:
- Forget tears and loneliness—choose support and kindness
- Baby sleep: tips, tricks, and lots of patience
- Revolutionary (or not), 2 methods to try for calmer nights
- As parents, don’t lose yourself in your child’s sleep journey
Forget tears and loneliness—choose support and kindness
For a long time, new parents were advised to let their babies cry at night under the pretext that they needed to release the day's emotions, that they'd never stop crying if comforted at every peep, or that they’d finally fall asleep once truly tired. "Grandma’s advice" usually given with good intentions, but today we know such approaches have no real benefits for infants.
When a baby cries, it's always to express a need, never just to do it on purpose or to test their parents’ limits. So, leaving a baby to cry alone in their crib means leaving them to deal with overwhelming, negative, or contradictory emotions they can't understand. Are they hungry? Cold? In pain? Needing company? Or maybe scared of something?
What we do know is that a crying infant who is not comforted experiences increased stress levels. While the consequences of stress in infancy are not fully understood, child sleep specialists believe the impacts can last into adulthood.
On the other hand, many studies have proven the benefits of attention, cuddles, caresses, rocking, and skin-to-skin contact on sleep. This nurturing between mother and child, or parent and infant, reassures the newborn and strengthens love bonds. It may even help build and reinforce trust and empathy as the child grows.
Baby sleep: tips, tricks, and lots of patience
When it comes to baby sleep, if you already have a child you know—there is no miracle recipe. It’s a bit of a roll of the dice or depends on which way the wind is blowing. If you’re expecting your first, just know that the sleep of a one-month-old is different from that of a three-month-old, just as baby’s sleep can be disrupted after a vaccination or teething.
Some sleep through the night quickly while others will take years to regulate their sleep. Genetic or environmental factors, as well as biological ones, may promote good sleep or, conversely, contribute to sleep problems. Still, there are a few tricks to help babies sleep well and encourage peaceful rest.
Bedtime ritual
Nothing is more reassuring for your little one than following a specific evening routine with you every night at bedtime. In those first weeks of life, nighttime may be the longest period of separation between you and your baby. Comforting routines like a consistent bedtime, reading a story, a lullaby, or bath time may all help guide baby toward a calm and restorative sleep.
A cool, dark bedroom
There’s nothing more upsetting than an overheated room, pajamas that are too warm, or blankets that are unnecessarily thick. Likewise, a room that’s too bright or a nightlight that’s too strong may disrupt baby’s ability to drift off. To help your baby fall asleep easier and avoid waking from discomfort, set the thermostat to 64.5 °F (18 °C) and dim the room as much as possible.
Did you know? In Denmark (where summer temperatures rarely exceed 68 °F/20 °C), babies nap outdoors! On a balcony, in front of a café, or in a park, it’s perfectly normal to see strollers parked where you’d expect scooters or bikes. This tradition reportedly offers many benefits: easier falling asleep, longer and more flexible naps, and a strengthened immune system thanks to the fresh air…
Put baby to bed awake
To avoid a sudden waking at the end of the first sleep cycle, lay your child down awake as often as possible so they fall asleep knowing their environment and that they are alone in their crib.
Avoid "sleep debt"
An overtired baby has difficulty resting because they're too nervous or stimulated. They'll only manage micro-naps and are often irritable, fussy, or prone to crying. They get upset quickly. Contrary to what you may think, a baby who sleeps well during the day will also sleep well at night.
While newborns can sleep up to 20 hours in 24, a four-month-old baby typically sleeps 14 to 16 hours per day. At six months, babies generally take three naps daily, with the last nap often dropping off before the age of one. By age three, many children nap only once in the early afternoon.
Play soft music
A lullaby or a piece of classical music may help babies gently transition to sleep. Mozart and Beethoven are said to be especially effective for this purpose.
To create a calm and soothing environment, place the music player far from the crib and keep the volume very low to help baby relax. You can also try white noise: raindrops, heartbeat sounds, or the steady hum of a washing machine, but always keep the volume soft and muffled.
Try herbal remedies
Plants have properties that can benefit children's well-being. Breastfeeding? Before the evening feed, treat yourself to some herbal tea with verbena, lemon balm, or linden, which will help you relax and promote calmer sleep for your baby.
After three months, you can add other herbs such as Roman chamomile or orange blossom. Herb teas served cold, or floral waters for ready-to-use formulas, help baby thanks to their calming or relaxing effects.
Identify and anticipate phases of anxiety
Between 9 and 18 months, parents often face separation anxiety. Between ages 2 and 5, young children can experience nightmares or fear of monsters and ghosts. This period also aligns with growing self-awareness. At this age, children start facing others too, especially when first attending school.
These and other changes can create a sense of anxiety or stress that can impact sleep quality. As a mom or parent, knowing about these phases and planning ahead makes it easier to adjust things like bedtime, the duration of storytime, or even your story choice as needed.
Life’s ups and downs in the background!
You may be lucky to have a baby who quickly sleeps through the night, or who responds well to the sleep tips mentioned above. Still, there will undoubtedly be setbacks, nights tougher than others, and maybe more persistent regressions lasting several weeks, always interspersed with calm, increasingly longer nights.
So, show all the patience you can muster, ask for help when needed and when possible, but above all, remember that this period is temporary. If rest becomes too elusive, there is always a solution for you and your child.
Revolutionary (or not), 2 methods to try for calmer nights
As you research baby sleep, you may find there are methods praised by some parents and criticized by others that claim to make bedtime much easier. So, life-changing for your nights or business as usual? Let us know!
Comfort baby with the "Chrono-Sleep" method
The method promoted by Aude Becquart in her book "La méthode chrono-dodo: Aider votre enfant à bien dormir" (LEDUC publishing) is simple and gentle. However, it will require some patience from you.
Start by making sure the basics are covered. Your baby or child isn’t ill, is comfortable in their own bed, and feels both physically and emotionally secure—ready to let go enough to sleep.
The Chrono-Sleep method then works as follows: once baby is in bed, explain you’ll leave the room for 15 seconds before coming back for 10 seconds. If these timeframes feel too short, you can add a 2-minute cuddle break.
As days go by, the separation intervals gradually get longer—move from 15 to 30, then to 45 seconds… The idea is for your child to learn to fall asleep independently and without stress. The frequent in-and-out pattern helps you support their emotions and comfort them if needed. The goal is absolutely not to let baby cry, but rather to spend a little time at each step.
Observe their biological rhythm with the Pantley method
Elizabeth Pantley, author of "Un sommeil paisible et sans pleurs" (ADA publishing), is a Canadian parenting coach who believes that the key to peaceful sleep for children lies in observing their biological rhythm. In other words, creating a custom-made method for every child.
The first step is observation. As your baby sleeps, watch them carefully and note everything related to their sleep habits. What position do they sleep in? When do they start to fidget or cry? Do they look for their pacifier if it falls out? Do they seem lost in bed? Do certain sounds startle them, and if so, which ones?
Then, make a sleep schedule for your child over the next few months and establish a consistent, enjoyable bedtime routine. From cuddles to massages to bathing or mom’s lullaby, it’s up to you to see what brings them happiness.
Finally, gradually, baby will learn to fall asleep without a pacifier and without breastfeeding. At first, nursing may end just before sleep, then little by little, you shorten it until it disappears.
This approach helps give children more autonomy and control over their own sleep, but everyone has to feel ready for this—especially if you’re phasing out the last nursing session of the day.
And what about co-sleeping?
Co-sleeping means sharing your bed with your baby every night. For it to go smoothly, the practice requires certain attention and precautions: use a firm mattress and pillows, don’t overdress your baby, and keep duvets with buttons, small ties, or ribbons out of reach.
Still, when set up carefully, co-sleeping offers a few advantages: baby is reassured by your presence, can synchronize with your breathing, has less trouble falling back to sleep between sleep cycles, and can better regulate their body temperature thanks to being near you. If you’re breastfeeding, co-sleeping also makes it easier and more comfortable to nurse at night while staying in bed together.
Not sure about it? Worried for your baby? Try room sharing! That means sleeping in the same room, but not the same bed—perhaps with your baby’s bassinet or crib right beside yours.
Parents! Don’t lose yourself in your child’s sleep journey
A calm and happy child is usually one who sleeps better—sometimes even perfectly. And what’s more calming than a happy and fulfilling family life? So, it’s essential not to forget about yourself in your efforts to improve your child's sleep. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself.
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Remember that sleep is above all about letting go and being kind, a unique daily moment when your child entrusts themself wholly to you and your protection.
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Also remember that some children have an easier time falling asleep than others.
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Keep in mind that the advice encouraging you to let your child cry a bit, feed them more, or hold them less... is worth little or nothing. Trust your instincts! They are your best advisors.
There should never be any obligation, no "you must," nor "you should" in these moments. Just attentive listening and sweet whispers at the heart’s threshold to remain cherished forever.
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